Gearing up for 2006 - Day Eight

So we're rolling on to day eight - which just happens to be a national holiday for Martin Luther King's birthday. And today's question seemed kind of fitting. Why? Well, Martin Luther King, Jr. faced some seemingly insurmountable challenges and was able to successfully overcome most of them. So today, let's talk about:

What were my biggest challenges? How did I overcome them?

Publishing my book was one of my biggest challenges but I think I've beaten that horse into the ground. So, the next biggest challenge was my eating habits. I can resort to psycho babble and say that for most of my life, I have not had the best relationship with food. I don't think food has ever been my friend. In fact - though I hardly ever talk about it - I have had an eating disorder (of one variety or another) for the majority of my teen and adult years. That was a rough one. This past year has been about healing whatever pain my eating patterns have been a symptom of. I know it's about self image and self esteem but I still think it has to be something more than that. When I was raped in college, things went into over drive and I became dangerously unhealthy. I've gotten better, but am by no means cured. Though I am not in the throws of any eating disorder, I still don't view food as my friend. For the sake of my health and the values that I impart to my children, I want to change that. I took some major steps in 2005 to do that but still have a few to go.

Whew.

That was a tough one.

Gearing Up For 2006 - Day Seven

I'm back! Things got a little hectic in my world so I had to take a few days off but I wanted to start again today with our questions that are designed to put us in the right mindset for the new year. We are relating, reflecting and releasing!

What were the fun things I did? The not-so-fun?

Some of the fun things I did this year: a book signing in Bermuda, got a professional bra fitting (don't knock it 'til you try it), complete makeover, vacation with my husband in Jamaica.

Some of the not-so-fun things: I really can't think of any. You?

Gearing Up For 2006 - Day Six

So now we're at day 6. And this was one for the journal. I actually started thinking about it yesterday and still am a bit perplexed. I answered it but then the question seemed to beg for a response with a deeper meaning. So I scrapped the original answer and thought some more. Let's see how you do with this one.

What did I do right?


Well, well, well. I accomplished a lot this year and I think that ties into one of the biggest things I did right. I went after my dreams and made no apologies about it. I stepped outside of the box, challenged my self to take it up a notch, reinvented myself on several different levels, etc. etc. etc. For so long I have been scared, ashamed, apologetic about being successful. Don't ask my why or when it happened but it did. And even when I accomplished something, I didn't feel good about it. But last year that changed. So all I can say is, "Watch out for me in 2006". It's about to be on!

Gearing up for 2005 - Day Five

So we're halfway there and you guys are doing very well! A+ for your contributions.

What were the three most significant events of the last year?

I think most of us can agree: Hurricane Katrina, Hurricane Rita and Hurricane Wilma came through and changed the way we see change America's response time to natural disasters. We also saw how such a tragedy will effect race relations in America. May be cliche but it also brought home how blessed my life is. I don't want have to lose everything to appreciate that. And in 2006, I will keep my focus on that.

Gearing Up For 2006 - Day Four

We're almost to the midway point of our reflection exercise. Thanks to all that participate. Today's question is a good one so here we go.

What did I complete or release?

Easier Said Than Done, my debut novel. I completed it, published it and even sold a few copies. (smile) As for things I released: a lot of negative feelings. I tend to harbor and one thing I really wanted to work on in 2005 was my ability to forgive and my victim mentality. AND I worked hard on it. Haven't gotten all the way there but it was important for me to release the anger that has been swirling inside of me for the man that raped me my sophomore year in college. Yes, it has been that long. I finally sat down and thought about all the side effects that manifested in my life because of that anger and I realized that I was continuing to victimize myself. I had to make a choice: let it go or be a victim for the rest of my life. I chose not to be a victim.

Gearing up for 2006 - Day Three

We're rolling on with day three. And our question is: (DRUM ROLL PLEASE)

What would I have done differently? Why?

I really don't believe in do overs. I think every things happens for a reason and from every situation - a chance to grow. And I've done a lot of growing this past year. But since I'm asking you to answer the question; so will I. One thing I think I would have done differently is researching publishing companies before I signed a contract. I wasn't as interested in learning the business of writing as I should have been and it has caused some turmoil. I can't be mad though, because publishing Easier Said Than Done has been one of my biggest opportunities for learning in 2005. A couple of lessons: 1. most things can not be taken at face value - dig a little deeper and it may be a whole 'nother story and 2. the best of intentions does not always produce the best results.

Now what say you?

Gearing up for 2006 - Day Two

So, today is our day to brag. Don't hold back. I'm sure you'll be surprised like I was all that you were able to get done in 2005. Write it down, then give yourself a big hug! I'm proud of you!

2. What did I accomplish?

One accomplishment was completing my debut novel, "Easier Said Than Done" and getting it published. An even bigger accomplishment was keeping my sanity while doing it. I also completed my motivational speaking demo tape and have it ready to ship off in the new year. My film production was incorporated as well as my non-profit organization, "The Nikki Woods LeaderHership Academy" which will target girls between 12 and 18. And the script for "Easier Said Than Done" as well as my second novel, "Innocence Lost" are close to completion. Whew! It's been a roller coaster of a year and I'm sure I've missed some things. BUT that's just surface stuff. Most importantly, I developed a personal relationship with my Savior. I am talking more about just "getting church". I'm talking about a real relationship, a friendship and intimacy that I have never experienced before. I am also feeling more comfortable in my own skin. I accept my weaknesses as well as my strengths and have learned to capitalize on both. For someone who has struggled with confidence issues for most of their life - this is a HUGE accomplishment. I'm also very proud of my children and the things that they have accomplished as they made it to 2 and 4 years old and learned skills in leaps and bounds. Of couse, mommy takes a certain pride in that she had a hand in that.

Gearing up for 2006 - Day One

This doesn't have to take long, you may just want to take a minute and reflect on it. I would love for you to add your comments. See mine below.

1. What did I learn?

I think the most important thing I learned this year is that I can do anything and be successful at it when I really focus. As long as it's in keeping with God's will. Sometimes, I may be too scared, or too stressed or too lazy and just not done it - but I proved this year that I CAN do it. I also learned that I have a huge capacity to love that continues to grow. I don't tap into it nearly often enough but it is one of my goals for 2006. Tapping into Love brings forth a bunch of other great stuff like forgiveness, and courage. I also learned that I still have a lot to learn. And a long road of growth ahead of me. But now I know I can do it, from a position of love.

Gearing up for 2006!

As 2005 comes to an close, one thing that I regret is that I did not journal as much as in past years. For a good reason - I was too busy writing other things. I know that 2006 is going to be my breakthrough year. I have so much bubbling beneath the surface - good and bad - that needs to be brought forth. The good to be developed and the bad to be exorcised. So when I saw these questions I thought they would be a good start. AND I thought it would be fun for us to do together. (Yes, it's interactive!) We'll do them one at a time and really put forth our best effort. Can you tell I used to teach school? Read them, meditate on them. Class starts promptly at 8 tomorrow. And don't forget your number two pencil.


1. What did I learn?
2. What did I accomplish?
3. What would I have done differently? Why?
4. What did I complete or release?
5. What were the three most significant events of the last year?
6. What did I do right?
7. What were the fun things I did? The not-so-fun?
8. What were my biggest challenges? How did I overcome them?
9. For what I am grateful?
10. What do I want my theme to be for 2006?

Reclaiming My Femininity

"That's not quite rape." That was a listener's response to a call-in which a distraught listener related her emotional trauma that she was still suffering through ten years following a brutal assault at the hands of her fiancee.

"What did you just say?" I asked, incredulously.

"That's not quite rape." Seconds ticked by as the rage slowly worked itself to a boil, starting deep inside, burned its way up the back of my neck and had my eyes stinging with unshed tears. The caller went on to explain his rationale but I heard none of it; his words blocked by the screams of pain and hurt from my own "not quite rape" experience.

I didn't talk about it then and I still don't. It has been thirteen years for me but I've never quite gotten over it. And never will.

Like this caller most people still think of rape as a random attack, happening in dark corners at night or in empty parking lots. Although this is a tragic reality for some women, the majority of rapes occur when there is some degree of trust..... Yet, less then 5% of date rapes are ever reported.

I reported mine but to no avail. The system that set in place to assist the victims of crime only raped me again. So I shut my mouth and went on about living a life that I no longer felt belonged to me.

Instead of getting counseling, I worked in the trenches: talking to young women about dangers of sexual assault; whether it is at the hands on someone you know or someone you don't; advocating for tougher laws and more stringent sentencing for those who commit sexual assault and holding the hands of those who are dealing with the aftermath, struggling to pick up the pieces of their lives and their shattered femininity.

It was my own form of therapy and I thought it was working. But as I listened to the call again, I realized I still have a long way to go in my own healing process. Not on the surface - my physical scars have long since faded; but the emotional scars that are hidden deep within and are still puckered and pink.

I used to think the details weren't important. After al I gave the details - in excruciating detail to a group of people that only turned them against me. But now I've come to realize that the details are crucial. Because the signs of control and rage that I saw only in hindsight might prevent someone else from suffering through the ongoing aftermath of rape.

My body was violated but so was the very essence of what makes me a woman.

And the reclamation of that essence has been my life's journey; manifesting itself through depression, eating disorders, low self-esteem and relationship issues that plagued me through my twenties. Now in my thirties, I still jump at shadows, unexpected movements and loud male voices.

Even in the most tender moments with my husband, a similar movement brings back hellish memories.

My self-esteem as a woman is still splintered but it is no longer shattered and I've started taking back what it rightfully mine.

I'm starting to feel myself.

And love myself.

Validate and believe: Rape victims need reassurance that the assault was not their fault and that their feelings are normal. Although you feel you might have reacted differently, remember that each person's reactions are uniquely theirs.

Create a safe place: Both emotionally and physically, it is important for the survivor to feel in control again.

Expression: The feelings of a survivor of sexual assault can be very strong. Expressing these powerful feelings in a safe environment is an important part of the healing process.

Offer options-not advice: Survivors often struggle with important and complex decisions. You can be most helpful by helping her identify all of the options available and supporting her in her decision making.

Most importantly, believe in the possibility of healing.

Continue to be blessed.

No My First Name Ain't Baby

By Guest Blogger Shelia M. Goss



Never thought almost 20 years later, I would be singing lyrics to an old Janet Jackson song, "No, my first name ain't baby," but I am.

Why do men take it upon themselves to call women, "baby" during the course of a conversation?

Is it used as a term of endearment or does it go deeper than that?

Several years ago, a male friend, who we'll call "John," did something that surprised me. I observed him speak with several women over a span of a few hours. Each time they called, instead of saying their name, his initial greeting was "Hi Baby."

After the umpteenth call, I decided to ask him, "Why do you call those women Baby instead of using their names?"

His response surprised me. "It gives me time to either pick up on their voice or have them tell me who they are," he responded.

All I could say was, "Oh I see."

John taught me that evening to pay close attention to when a man uses the word "baby."

When I hear it now, I don't take the man too seriously. I find myself crinkling up whenever I hear it.

Does the word "baby" irritate you like it irritates me? Some men use the term so much that it becomes a habit. I've heard so many men use it out of habit that they probably aren't aware of how annoying it can be.

I tried to get over the annoyance when I met this new guy and he used it. Well that is, until I heard him use it when talking to a cashier, a mutual stranger, at the store. Afterwards, hearing him call me "baby" didn't hold that same warm fuzzy feeling it once did.

Men, please beware and don't use the word to every Sue, Jill, and Jane you come across. And women the next time a man says it to you, why not let him know that, "No my first name ain't baby, it's…"

It could be worse; they could be calling us another B word.



Shelia M Goss is a freelance writer and the Essence Bestselling author of My Invisible Husband, Roses are thorns, Violets are True and My Three Beaus.

Website: http://www.sheliagoss.com

Email: sheliagoss@aol.com

Blogs: http://myinvisiblehusband.blogspot.com

http://sheliagoss.blogspot.com

http://intheknowentertainment.blogspot.com

Affirmations for Adversity

Whenever you are doing BIG things, challenges will arise. That is a fact. It comes with the territory. Luke 12:48 states that, "To Whom Much Is Given, Much Is Required. Biggie said, "More money, more problems." From the Bible to Hip-Hop, the message is the same. Adversity is the direct challenge to prosperity. And there's no way to get around it. You have to meet it head on. And that's what I'm doing - armed with my affirmations. I thought I'd share.

AFFIRMATIONS:

There are revelations and new growth. I accept. I am grateful.

I welcome the challenge that life is. Focus is set to uncover present blessings and see what's so that's good. Within are unborn possibilities of limitless potential.

I am grateful for new ideas, new strength, new vision that carry me into a future unlike the past.

I pay attention to thoughts of good, positive actions, feelings of assurance. All endings are refreshing beginnings. New good is on its way to me today. Gratitude abounds.

I am alert and awake in all challenges. Certainty of good outcomes guide my way today.

There are good things in store for me, gratitude opens amazing new perspectives of possibility for each moment.

There are ways beyond ways, there is good beyond good, there is power beyond power. I envision my self there, each day, gratefully.

Now there are doors where windows used to be and we are thankful.

Moving Day

Note: I started a new blog. Kinda had too. This one will be devoted to Cry Me A River, the sequel to Easier Said Than Done. I was writing Chapter Two and I realized that it was getting a bit racy. Uh huh, racy. Author Sylvia Hubbard will appreciate that. Her only critique for Easier Said Than Done was that my love songs weren't long enough and for lack of a better word - detailed enough. Well, that's not the case here. I'll provide the link each time I add a chapter and will continue posing thoughts, affirmations and other inspirational tidbits on this blog.

Thanks in advance for your cooperation! :)

I've Been Tagged!

Tayari Jones has "tagged" me! My assignment: to write fifteen interesting facts about my writing/reading life. I'm not sure I have that many but Imma give it a black girl try. PS. What is written on the blog, stays on the blog. You'll see what I mean in a minute.

Writing:

1. Most of my creativity comes while I am at work which can be sort of inconvenient since I am not getting paid to write!

2. I listen to reggae mainly to type.

3. I talk outloud to myself when I am trying to work through dialogue but only answer 50 percent of the time.

4. I run movie marathons for my kids when I'm under deadline. I thought about the NyQuil solution but didn't resort to it.

5. I am obsessive about cleaning my computer monitor when writing. Stray potato chip flake can often be mistaken for commas.

Reading:
6. I judge a book by it's cover. I've admitted it - which is the first step - and I am seeking help.

7. If per chance you are perusing my recent reading material and you happen to find a fingerprint it will be cheese flavored guaranteed. It's my favorite reading food.

8. Naked is better in most things that you do; especially reading.

9. A glass of wine will improve most anyone's writing skills.

10. Erotica still makes me blush; naked or otherwise.

If I disclose anymore, I just may have to kill you. Mission complete. Cydney Rax and Shelia Goss ... tag you're it.

Cry Me A River

Chapter One: Cry Me A River

Miracles In Every Moment

It's a stormy Monday morning in Chi-town and like many others, the weather affects my mood. So, I was in need of a little inspiration. It was such a blessing when this motivational email came across my inbox. My good friend, author JL King always tells me, "Don't close your eyes, you might miss a miracle" so I post this today with my eyes wide open.

Miracles in every moment
+++++++++++++++++++

There are miracles in every moment if you'll just take the
time to see them. There is value in every circumstance if
you'll simply make the effort to appreciate it.

Even on the most ordinary and tedious days there are
magnificent and extraordinary treasures to be lived. They
are yours when you open your mind and your heart to the
possibilities.

There is no need to long for some distant bright day on
which everything will be perfect. For you can make this very
day as bright and shining and fulfilling as you choose.

Open your eyes and realize what a miracle it is that you
know you are here. Choose in this very moment to make the
most of your awesome good fortune.

The wind blows, the sun rises, the snow falls and the ocean
relentlessly pounds the shore. Life rolls on with fresh new
possibilities at every turn.

There are miracles in every moment. What a privilege and joy
it is to be a part of life.

Ralph Marston

Confessions

Confessions

I receive a lot of emails but this one touched me so much I wanted to share. I posted her email to me and the I added my response:

I am feeling sorry for myself. I don't have a job for the first time since I was 14. I have many unfinished could be careers, disguised as hobbies for now. The only truly consist thing in my life is my immediate family. I don't keep in touch with my relatives as much as I'd hope to as an adult and which I should have done as a child (they live in South America). I keep in worse touch with people not related to me, especially if there is no regular mandatory event that brings us together.

I will be 26 this New Years Eve.

I had planned to accomplish plenty, much more than I have actually done or even started. I miss every personal deadline I ever made for myself. Some would say that's depression, but I am still generally pleasant to be around and have no qualms about going out when invited and still find a way to have a good time. I am a true all around athlete that can't get motivated to get outside and have no interest in exercising without sports, but can't find teams because for that you have to get out of the house. I have always enjoyed singing and song writing and did not share it with anybody until maybe my upper teens or beyond, and then only with a few people at a time. My parents still haven't heard any of my music.

I think cliches are cliches for a reason. They should be studied. There should be college courses dedicated to them. I should make a short film about cliches, and add that on my list of things I will never finish.

I want to be a singer/song/writer/performer

a television personality

an actress

a director/screenwriter/producer

a novelist/publisher

in that order and throughout my life.

I don't know where to begin in my quest to accomplish these goals and see no hope in the ideas without the funds and/or connections to initiate/complete them.

I feel like others have the one up on me and/or nothing to loose.

I will definitely have regrets in my old age about the things I didn't do.

I definitely need help, the mentor type, the connection type, the money type. I need equipment, resources. I need intervention.

Like so many others, I need to get on the ball. Most peoples aspirations, that I know of, are only half as difficult/unattainable as mine and seeing that they do not get motivated to do them gives me little hope.

I am hopeless and feel lonely and there is nothing that anyone around me, or that I know, can do to cure me or help me in my quest.

Will I give up? Should I give up?

Will I purposely loose everything so that I have nothing to loose? Then will I finally ask strangers for help, tell them my story. See if someone with the resources can/will care?

Knowing that my problems are common bears no relief.

My current dilemma is this. Since the company layoff this November, I have been involuntarily given the opportunity to make a life changing choice.

Do I at this point take a dinky job that pays half was I was making, something close to home, to allow the time to pursue the first of my endeavors. Risk it? Be the starving artist?

Do I work hard everyday to find a career in my current field to keep climbing the corporate ladder, side with my studies. "Safe route?" The route that doesn't allow for much of anything else.

I have always been good at both the sciences and the arts and to be safe I went with the analytical side. Denied my creativity the ability to grow, to learn techniques/style/history.

The sciences have fallen short. I do not use even half of what I learned in college in my

day-to-day work life. I am unsatisfied with my career. I do not have the ability/knowledge to become an Einstein, I am just better than average and would most likely flourish if I decided it so. Mostly due to my work ethic.

But I do, in my opinion, have the ability to make a fantastic career in the arts.

I don't want to sound ungrateful, I have a beautiful life that I appreciate. But this choice has been haunting me since I can remember. I have never been a big risk taker and have geared my life towards self-reliance. I don't generally ask for help nor do I expect it or accept it. This is very hard for me.

To reiterate, I am self pitying.

I do not know why I chose to write this to you Nikki. I just did. If you are interested in listening to a small sample of my music, please reply with an address to send a CD. Regardless, please reply with any advice you may have for me.

Thank you in advance for your consideration.


My response:

Be glad you didn't send me a phone number because I just might have called and cussed you out!

Seriously.

First of all I am glad you emailed me. God always places people in our lives and in our paths at EXACTLY the right time. So this is not a coincidental thing.

Second of all, you are beautiful. Not just on the surface, but the goodness of your soul shines through your eyes.

So you wanna know what I think?

In short, my advice is to find your passion and pursue it relentlessly. Easier said than done? Yes but it IS doable. I know it can be done because I did it.

I recognize depression, self pity and lack of motivation because I deal with them daily. But I am now able to push past them and achieve my dreams because I have found my passion. You can do it to. And I will help.

Put the money, connections and mentoring aside. All of that will come once you are on your designated path. I am a radio and television personality, motivational speaker, published author and soon to be filmmaker. Why? Because I am finally doing what I am supposed to be doing. I am still struggling with the financial end of things because all of what I am trying to do takes a lot of money and regardless of my dreams, I still have very real bills that need to be paid and very real children that have to be fed. But I'm still doing it and lo and behold, the money always shows up on time. God is an exceedingly abundant God.

I used to be a fifth grade teacher. I was good at it but it was not my passion. And it was killing me. So I took the leap of faith and stepped firmly onto my designated path. The road has not been easy - and never will be - but the passion that I have for what I am doing allows me to embrace and overcome the struggles.

You have to find your passion. The rest will fall into place.

So sit down, and write down what you want most in life. Meditate on it and feel the joy it brings and then we will come up with a plan of action to get you there.

I dare you to be successful. Gonna take me up on the challenge?

Love,
NW

So what say you? Any advice for her? Post it and I will pass it on!

God Bless all of those who are on the path and those still looking for the path. We are walking this journey together.

Cry Me A River

Prologue: Cry Me A River

The Official Jump Off

A Poetic Prelude: http://shadowdancing.blogspot.com/

Flippin' the Script

Easier Said Than Done - Cover

OK, after much thought and even more speculation I will be taking the plunge. Tommorrow. No, I'm not going to cut my hair into a sporty bald fade. I won't be picking up and dragging my babies to Japan just because I've discovered I like - no love - Sushi. And I'm certainly not going to pull a Sheryl Swoops move and I wouldn't be talking about her infamous cross-over dribble move or would I? Not that there's anything wrong with that.

None of the above ...

What I'm talking about is answering the question, "What the hell is up withcha girl Essence?"

Now for those of you that are not familiar with Essence, she was the sexy, off-the-chain, backstabbing, manstealing friend of Kingston - the protagonist in my debut novel, Easier Said Than Done. I won't take time to delve into the story, but if you haven't picked up a copy of ESTD than I encourage you to do so. Yes, Now would be a good time. Either visit me on line at www.nikkiwoods.com or you can buy it via www.amazon.com. Pick it up today because I will begin posting her story tomorrow and trust me, it's going to be HOT! So go ahead, purchase Easier Said Than Done. I'll wait.

Play pleasant music and read disclaimer now: (The sex scenes will be a little EXPLICIT. Ok, ALOT explicit! I'm gonna be working out some things. (insert salacious grin)

Back already? Order the book? (enter assumption that you answered with an affirmative.) Good.

So yes, while I will continue to add inspiration to my blog, I will also be throwing chapters fromt the sequel to Easier Said Than Done which is told from Essence's point of view and may be inspirational in another way.

Ummmm, did I mention at least twice that you should buy - Easier Said Than Done today? And I gave you the website so you can order it? I did? (wait patiently until dramatic pause ends.) Ok. Then my job here is done.