Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Permission to Succeed

If you're finally ready to get more out of life, stop procrastinating, and overcome the fears that have held you back then you're ready to give yourself permission to be successful. Sounds a little weird doesn't it? Giving yourself permission to be a success? In a society of indulgence, instant gratification and spending promiscuity you would think giving yourself permission to live, to achieve, to be self-assured, charismatic, and prosperous would be of no consequence--yet this has become the challenge of the century.

Some people think of success in black and white terms: that either you make it happen or you don't. And if you don't then it's because you've made a choice not to. And that just might be true. It may have been an unconscious choice but it was a choice nonetheless. And that's where a lot of us get caught up; stuck in a state of fusion, wanting to be successful but either we're not quite sure how to get there or we don't know how to deal with the demons that hold us back from obtaining success. So just like we made the unconscious choice not to succeed or go after what we really want in life, in order to be successful we need to turn the tables, make another choice and give ourselves permission to live life to the fullest and make our dreams a reality.

But as with anything else, on the path to success there are going to be obstacles, things that get in the way and slow you down, two in particular that I want to talk about.

First up: fear. We all know that our fears are more often than not based on some imagined outcome that most likely will not be favorable. But knowing that doesn't seem to keep fear from having real power over us. And believe it or not - with all the other things out in the world to be scared of - fear of failure is one of the greatest fears people have.

The Law of Feedback states that there is no failure; there is only feedback. Successful people look at mistakes as outcomes or results, not as failure. Unsuccessful people look at mistakes as permanent and personal and end up self-limiting themselves. Most people do not achieve a fraction of what they are capable of achieving because they are afraid to try - because they are afraid they will fail.
Guilt is the second obstacle that stands in the way of success. And this is true especially for women. Women feel guilty because we can't be super moms, successful professionals, glamorous wives with brick house bodies, and public servants all at the same time. Guilt can take a hold of you and choke the success right out of you.

Moving from survival to significance will depend largely on our choice to give ourselves permission to be successful. So dream. Dream big and go after what you want. You CAN do it. You have my permission. Do you have yours?


  1. Anonymous12:34 PM

    Here's a tough question, How do you learn to let go?

    AS the poet puts it, "I am the CAPTIAN OF MY SHIP, I AM THE MASTER OF MY SOUL". SO to are we the master over our own journey in life.

  3. I think in order to let go you have to sincerely evaluate the situation and how the outcome affects you.

    Depending on the situtation there are definitely times you can move on but you need to put some things down in your mental roladex for future situations and how to handle them.

    In most cases you usually say I forgive but I won't forget. If you can keep bringing up something you can't let go. It takes time but you have to make a serious effort to wash your hands of a situation and do not revisit it in order to let go.

  4. Anonymous,

    That is a tough question and I don't mean to suggest that by any means "letting go" is easy, especially if it's something you still want BUT you have to evaluate whether or not that something is still working for you or if it's impeding your process. If it's not working then you have to make a decision: bless the situation or person, thank them for the lessons and growth they've provided and use that in the next step of your life. But trust me, holding on at all costs will never be productive. Been there, done that.

  5. Anonymous9:27 AM

    Right now the person in my life is destroying my soul and stealing my joy.Yet, I don't want to put them out on the street like trash.

  6. Anonymous,

    So you'd rather have them in your house treating you like trash? What are the tradeoffs? Are they paying all of your bills? Taking care of your child? What? And even if they are doing all of that and more is it worth the loss of your joy? Why don't you think you're worth more?

  7. Anonymous8:11 AM

    No I pay my own bills and take care of mine and everyone elses responsibilities. I have never counted.

  8. Ok anonymous ... then tell me what you need him for ......

  9. Anonymous7:30 AM

    I don't. He needs me.