Friday, June 02, 2006

Is Sisterhood A Dying Art?

Why can't black women get along? This is a question that always seems to spark a heated debate but yields no real answers. These days, the phrases "she's just a hater" or "she brings too much drama" get thrown around as often as "good morning". "Hating" seems to have turned into some sort of sport and fortunately I didn't get the memo. We can be the most hateful, mean spirited witches in the world to each other and most times it's for no reason at all. We don't speak to each other in the street and if you dare smile or say hello in passing, some will reciprocate but others give you looks like you've just stolen their last dollar or slept with their man. We work overtime to tear each other down, downplay their dreams, and dogging their man when we should be each other's greatest support system. Who else understands that uniqueness and peculiarities of being a woman than another woman?

Let me say this, I'm sure women in different ethnic groups have the same problems but I notice the drama more so in the African American community than others.

And that concerns me. But what concerns me more is if we as adult women can't get along, then how are we going to teach our daughters, nieces, goddaughters, etc. the importance of the female bond. What kind of legacy are we leaving?

Sisterhood, self-knowledge, self-development and self-esteem - the four empowerment principles of Sisterhood Agenda, Inc. - were the elements that founder and executive director Angela D. Coleman saw lacking in young sisters when she started the organization in 1994. Not surprisingly, Coleman sited lack of self-esteem as the primary at the root of the many challenges that black women face. She went on to say that we as a sacred sisterhood needed to tackle our lack of self-esteem sooner rather than later because the consequences of letting it fester are too far reaching to comprehend.

So now that we know, what do we do about it?

I think most of us would agree that we don't always feel as confident about our appearance or capabilities as we should. But instead of taking responsibility to work on ourselves we turn our frustrations and anger into a ball and viscously hurl it at another woman. Bottom line, women need to stretch beyond their insecurities and issues and just get our existence together. The only way to overcome is to embrace our whole selves, including our faults and issues. We've got to develop a well of self-love and respect otherwise, the drama will continue and life's too short to entertain such pointless negativity.

When a woman loves and respects herself, she becomes unstoppable. When we combine forces with another woman of the same mentality, we would have more women owned businesses, healthier children, more stable marriages - all which will translate into a better world.

So smile when you pass each other in the street. If you don't - you could be passing up an opportunity not only to make yourself feel better but to also set a positive precedent for generations to come!


  1. I've never really understood this phenomenon myself. I've ALWAYS surrounded myself with great women friends - I would be lost & crazy without my girls. People don't realize how much of their own insecurities are reflected when they act out towards another sister, especially one you don't know. We are such a rich, diverse mix of women, each of us brining something different to the table. Imagine how much sweeter your life would be if you could learn to embrace another sister fully & completely. I pray that other women can find & maintain the same life-affirming sisterhoods that my girls & I have. It is truly a blessing. I LOVE my girls, I CELEBRATE them, I CHERISH them and I get it back...tenfold. It can happen Ladies. Open yourselves up to the wonderful possibilities of it all.

  2. This blog is very necessary Nikki.
    Thank you so much. Many of us don't know how to be friends with women. Alot of women stay on the defensive when it is time for opening up and revealing their true selves to other women. I see that many view others as competition instead of a possible connection in other ways. The mind has to be open. Too many walk around with walls, a lack of trust and resentments from the past that hinders our growth as a species. I wish they offered a womens course in elementary and high school that
    dealt with low self esteem and embracing one another without strings attached. All together lovely would be the result.

  3. Anonymous1:45 PM

    Women get better with the whole sisterhood thing with age.

  4. Some women are way to competetive and envious.When we're happy and content in our own personal lifes that's when we can be good friends.At least that's been my experince I've had friends that were kill joys to me.Constantly raining on my parade.I think the females that don't no how to be happy with there life or there unfufilled in there life find it extremely hard to share your joy.
    I think it starts with love for self and some women just don't possess that so they don't no how to give it to others in return.