Sunday, February 15, 2009

What Color Is Your Love?

What color is your love: red hot, moody blue, envy green? Or a color that has no name yet? The color of your love, like the leaves on a tree depends on the season.

One thing for sure is that there's no wrong color as long as it looks good on you.

This comes up because Valentines weekend was rough for a lot of us especially if we were comparing our love to our friends, church members, co-workers etc.

I have many girlfriends who had flowers delivered to their office just to give the appearance of a romantic and thoughtful boyfriend or husband waiting in the wing to fulfill all of their Valentine expectations.

Nothing wrong with that, right?

Having expectations in our culture is expected. We are brought up that way. Having great expectations sounds great however when the expectation is unfulfilled, we bitch, we moan, we become disappointed. And that becomes a problem.

Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems.

For example, if I expect you to love me a certain way and your love doesn't show up that way for me, I will most likely be disappointed.

And this is on a Tuesday!

So imagine how easy it is to get caught up on the one day that we as a universe celebrates love.

For weeks leading to Valentine’s Day we are immersed in all things love. We let advertisers, acquaintances and strangers define what our love is supposed to look like. So even though you or I am content with the love we’re getting we find ourselves questioning that love or putting new and sometimes unrealistic pressure on that love, and for what? So that Hallmark, the Flower delivery industry, the candy biz and restaurant franchises can get richer.

We spend time hating on those who had picture perfect Valentine’s weekends instead of finding the goodness in what we've got at home. A good friend once said to me when I was feeling a little envious about her Valentines Day - "shall I tell you about the Valentines day that he didn't come home at all?"

That was a stark reminder that the color of love reflected in our lives today may have not been so vibrant in a different season. But it was also a hopeful reminder for me and maybe for you that the dull color of my love can and will get brighter. It would be great if me and my girls were in the same season at the same time; that our love life coincided so that we could all be red hot at the same time.

But then again maybe my friend is up when I am down so that she can help me through this time. If we were feeling our lows at the same time we wouldn't be much good to each other. Maybe God put us together so she could have compassion for me and be a living witness that things can and will get better. Lastly maybe the message here is acceptance. To accept the love we're getting, giving and making - whether it looks like someone else's or not.

If we could accept the notion that everyone is doing the best they can, regardless of whether their choices are our choices, our attitude about our relationship would improve and perhaps the relationship we have would become the relationship we enjoy being in.

If my love felt good prior to Valentines Day, why should it hurt the day of? Is it because it doesn't look like someone else's. That isn't fair to him or me.

What does your love look like? What does it feel like? If it looks good on you then maybe it's better than you thought. If it doesn't feel good right now remember that your season will change and when it does remember to remind your sisters who will going through it at that time.

And during a down season, use that extra time to take inventory of what your relationship needs are. When you know what you need, you can express those needs to your partner and be okay with allowing them to love you the way they can love you, you will see a shift in your relationship that goes far beyond what you ever could have imagined!

What color is your love: red hot, moody blue, envy green? Or a color that has no name yet?

Or maybe your love color just needs a little boost … mix it with little more hope, a lot less expectation and work it out!

1 comment:

  1. It's good to see you blogging again! I've always enjoyed reading your positive thoughts. My color of love is transparent, open for acceptances begining with forgiveness.

    ReplyDelete