Thursday, November 24, 2005

Confessions


Confessions

I receive a lot of emails but this one touched me so much I wanted to share. I posted her email to me and the I added my response:

I am feeling sorry for myself. I don't have a job for the first time since I was 14. I have many unfinished could be careers, disguised as hobbies for now. The only truly consist thing in my life is my immediate family. I don't keep in touch with my relatives as much as I'd hope to as an adult and which I should have done as a child (they live in South America). I keep in worse touch with people not related to me, especially if there is no regular mandatory event that brings us together.

I will be 26 this New Years Eve.

I had planned to accomplish plenty, much more than I have actually done or even started. I miss every personal deadline I ever made for myself. Some would say that's depression, but I am still generally pleasant to be around and have no qualms about going out when invited and still find a way to have a good time. I am a true all around athlete that can't get motivated to get outside and have no interest in exercising without sports, but can't find teams because for that you have to get out of the house. I have always enjoyed singing and song writing and did not share it with anybody until maybe my upper teens or beyond, and then only with a few people at a time. My parents still haven't heard any of my music.

I think cliches are cliches for a reason. They should be studied. There should be college courses dedicated to them. I should make a short film about cliches, and add that on my list of things I will never finish.

I want to be a singer/song/writer/performer

a television personality

an actress

a director/screenwriter/producer

a novelist/publisher

in that order and throughout my life.

I don't know where to begin in my quest to accomplish these goals and see no hope in the ideas without the funds and/or connections to initiate/complete them.

I feel like others have the one up on me and/or nothing to loose.

I will definitely have regrets in my old age about the things I didn't do.

I definitely need help, the mentor type, the connection type, the money type. I need equipment, resources. I need intervention.

Like so many others, I need to get on the ball. Most peoples aspirations, that I know of, are only half as difficult/unattainable as mine and seeing that they do not get motivated to do them gives me little hope.

I am hopeless and feel lonely and there is nothing that anyone around me, or that I know, can do to cure me or help me in my quest.

Will I give up? Should I give up?

Will I purposely loose everything so that I have nothing to loose? Then will I finally ask strangers for help, tell them my story. See if someone with the resources can/will care?

Knowing that my problems are common bears no relief.

My current dilemma is this. Since the company layoff this November, I have been involuntarily given the opportunity to make a life changing choice.

Do I at this point take a dinky job that pays half was I was making, something close to home, to allow the time to pursue the first of my endeavors. Risk it? Be the starving artist?

Do I work hard everyday to find a career in my current field to keep climbing the corporate ladder, side with my studies. "Safe route?" The route that doesn't allow for much of anything else.

I have always been good at both the sciences and the arts and to be safe I went with the analytical side. Denied my creativity the ability to grow, to learn techniques/style/history.

The sciences have fallen short. I do not use even half of what I learned in college in my

day-to-day work life. I am unsatisfied with my career. I do not have the ability/knowledge to become an Einstein, I am just better than average and would most likely flourish if I decided it so. Mostly due to my work ethic.

But I do, in my opinion, have the ability to make a fantastic career in the arts.

I don't want to sound ungrateful, I have a beautiful life that I appreciate. But this choice has been haunting me since I can remember. I have never been a big risk taker and have geared my life towards self-reliance. I don't generally ask for help nor do I expect it or accept it. This is very hard for me.

To reiterate, I am self pitying.

I do not know why I chose to write this to you Nikki. I just did. If you are interested in listening to a small sample of my music, please reply with an address to send a CD. Regardless, please reply with any advice you may have for me.

Thank you in advance for your consideration.


My response:

Be glad you didn't send me a phone number because I just might have called and cussed you out!

Seriously.

First of all I am glad you emailed me. God always places people in our lives and in our paths at EXACTLY the right time. So this is not a coincidental thing.

Second of all, you are beautiful. Not just on the surface, but the goodness of your soul shines through your eyes.

So you wanna know what I think?

In short, my advice is to find your passion and pursue it relentlessly. Easier said than done? Yes but it IS doable. I know it can be done because I did it.

I recognize depression, self pity and lack of motivation because I deal with them daily. But I am now able to push past them and achieve my dreams because I have found my passion. You can do it to. And I will help.

Put the money, connections and mentoring aside. All of that will come once you are on your designated path. I am a radio and television personality, motivational speaker, published author and soon to be filmmaker. Why? Because I am finally doing what I am supposed to be doing. I am still struggling with the financial end of things because all of what I am trying to do takes a lot of money and regardless of my dreams, I still have very real bills that need to be paid and very real children that have to be fed. But I'm still doing it and lo and behold, the money always shows up on time. God is an exceedingly abundant God.

I used to be a fifth grade teacher. I was good at it but it was not my passion. And it was killing me. So I took the leap of faith and stepped firmly onto my designated path. The road has not been easy - and never will be - but the passion that I have for what I am doing allows me to embrace and overcome the struggles.

You have to find your passion. The rest will fall into place.

So sit down, and write down what you want most in life. Meditate on it and feel the joy it brings and then we will come up with a plan of action to get you there.

I dare you to be successful. Gonna take me up on the challenge?

Love,
NW

So what say you? Any advice for her? Post it and I will pass it on!

God Bless all of those who are on the path and those still looking for the path. We are walking this journey together.

6 comments:

  1. Anonymous8:51 PM

    Nikki is so right, God lead you to her it was no accident that she was the person you felt safe with to pour your heart out to, All the people on the net all the people who blog Nikki was the one person you felt safe with, By the way my name is Dawn and Nikki is also a God sent to me just like she said to you God puts people in our life, Sit back and think about what she said to you, Nikki said the both of you are going to make it and she will be their to help you, NOW THAT IS GOD AT WORK,

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  2. Anonymous10:56 AM

    I'm so glad I decided to stop by your blog today!

    While your words were for this Sister they reached me also.

    Nikki, I've been in a quandry for several months now trying to find my path/passion. I know my passion lies in the literary world just not sure in what capacity. Your words of encouragement have motivated me to come up with a plan of action and then get off my rusty dusty and pursue it!

    I've been impress with you for over a year. Watched you do your radio show, raise your family and buckle down and write your book. While I'm sure discouragement and distractions plagued you, you did not let them beset you.
    You refused to give up!

    Your faith in God has seen you through so much and now here you stand stronger than ever....and a published author.

    You truly are an inspiration to ME!

    Love you Sis.
    Your #1 Reader :)

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  3. It's amazing how God put people in our lives at the most perfect moment according to his will. People tend to forget we are each other's angel in the most divine and unpredictable way and this post is evidence.

    Nikki, keep inspiring those around you by doing you and living out your purpose. We are examples of life lessons.

    Dawn, set your goals and just do it (remember that old Nike commerical?). Its easy when you have a support system of like interests and most importantly GOD. You are someone special and your purpose is in progress.

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  4. Anonymous8:36 AM

    I feel the same way. It can be hard to get motivated and scary to leave your safety zone ,no matter how bored you are with your life , to pursue your passion. Nikki has motivated me to stop whining and feeling sorry for myself ang use the talents the Lord has given me. Take a leap of faith and chase your dreams girl

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  5. Dawn, Nikki is right, let God lead you. I think you must first pick one goal and strive for that and when that is achieved you can set the next one. It seems to be you have a good mind but you are trying to do to many things at one itme. Good Luck and I am sure we will hear of you in the future.

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  6. I am glad I found your blog. My advice:

    Don't do what is easier...for you won't be happy. Find your passion and follow it. I had a job I DETESTED. I hated waking up to go to it, but I did it for the money. When money was no longer an issue (I got fired), I found something I loved doing (my current position as a IT forensics analyst) that allows me to have enough free time to spend with my kids and pursue my dream (poetry and budding author). At first I made less (not the case now) but I was still happier.

    ReplyDelete