7 Keys To Turning Online Hook Ups Into Long-Term Love!

Upwards of 40 million people are looking for love via the internet so it surprises me that I still run across single people wanting to be in relationships but are leery about dating online. 

If you’re one of those, this news might change your mind.

A new study finds that, not only do one in three Americans meet their spouses online BUT those marriages are more satisfying and less likely to end in divorce than marriages that begin the traditional way.  

The study, which was funded by e-Harmony takes into account various forms of online venues including social media, chat rooms and email, as well.

It’s also interesting to note that of the people who met their spouses the “old school” way, more satisfying marriages were linked with couples who met in school, places of worship or grew up together than couples who met at a bar, at work or on a blind date.

So, why is online dating leading to more frequent and more satisfying marriages?

One reason is online dating stems from a deliberate, pro-active step taken by two people at the same time.  When you meet someone in line at the grocery store or even on a blind date, even if there’s a mutual attraction there’s always the chance that one person is more into it than the other.  With online dating at least you know that both of you have a similar desire to become a couple.  You also have a bigger pool of prospective partners, and online sites are more focused on finding long-term mates, the study showed.

I spoke with relationship/dating coach Anissa Oden, the founder of the smartphone App, MyBoopy shared seven tips fro finding love on line.

1.   Be patient.  There are millions of online dating users, so it may take some time,  Don’t be quick to throw in the towel if you haven't found that perfect match in the first few months.  Remember, you may have to dine with a few 'frogs' before you find your 'prince/princess' :-).  

2.   Keep an open mind and enjoy YOUR experience; recognize that each and every online dating experience is unique.  Don’t be heavily influenced by one’s success or failures; judge for yourself.

3.   When completing your dating account profile, do not pigeon hole yourself when it comes to your preferences.  For example, if you are a 5’4” female looking for a male that is at least 6’2”, you could be missing out on a great match.  Do you  really want someone at least 6’2” or do you just want someone that is taller than you.

4.    When you choose a username/screen name, don’t select one that may give the wrong impression of who you are and what you represent.  For example, a profile name of Sex Kitten 123 may encourage traffic, but it may possibly promote the wrong type of attention.

5.   Keep your dating profile brief, and concise.  Give enough information about yourself to intrigue those that are viewing your profile, but not so much that there is nothing else to talk about. 

6.   Use profile photos taken within 12 month and make  sure you take lots of pictures that clearly represent who you are.  If picture is worth a thousand words…. how many do you think four are worth?!?!  Avoid the selfies, especially in the bathroom or car.  

7.   Use common sense and never compromise your safety.  Use tools like Google to get preliminary background information.  There are online sites and apps that are also available (i.e. Beenverified.com) that provide some helpful information. But f your gut is telling you that something is not right …. it probably isn’t.

Below is my entire interview with Anissa.

 If you tried online dating and have an experience you’d like to share good or bad I’d like to hear it. 

Man or Child: Which One Are You in Bed With?

Somewhere God and Mother Nature are cracking up.  I mean, a day doesn’t go by without us getting another piece of evidence that proves just how challenging it is to maintain a successful male/female relationship.  As black women, the numbers already are working against us if we’re hoping to find a single, black man.

And now this:

New research commissioned by Nickelodeon UK to mark the launch of a new show has pinpointed the exact age that boys mature completely is 43 – eleven years after women.

And since I have an um … penchant for younger men, I see now, I may have to make some concessions here and there.

It also means that as the mother of boys -10 and 11 – I could be raising boys in perpetuity, and that’s not good at all.

There are just some things I don’t understand.

There were two girls in my family so I wasn’t nearly prepared for the boy stuff that my sons have introduced me to.  I’m still trying to figure out why passing gas is funny and I dread approaching the day when it switches from begging them to take a shower to wondering why they’re taking three a day.
That being said, I’ve gone through great pains to prep my boys for adulthood and I personally think their prospective wives will be pretty pleased with the job I’ve done.

They pick up their dirty clothes, put their dishes in the sink, take out the garbage, lay out their clothes and even can prepare a few meals on their own.


Why should I expect any less from a mate?

While the article has a lot of information that I think hits the nail on the head, I’m not buying this study completely.

There have just got to be some happy mediums out there, guys who are fun, energetic, hard working and sexy who have put away childish things for good … or at least the majority of the time.

So, yeah, I’ll laugh at some bathroom humor and do a load of laundry – but I will never wash a pair of Sponge Bob Pajamas for any man with body hair, including my sons.  That’s just a deal breaker.

But sadly, some women seem to believe having a silly man-child is their fate.

Eight out of ten believe that men ‘never stop being childish’ – with breaking wind, burping, eating fast food in the early hours and playing videogames – while 46 percent of women have had a relationship in which they felt they had to mother their partner a bit too much.

If there’s a bright side to this story, I guess is the idea that immaturity helps men bond better with children.  But even kids lose respect for a male adult who doesn’t know when it’s time to man up.

The news is full of stories of what happens to parents of both sexes who think being friends with their children is a good thing.  Sadly, Michael Jackson and Bobby Brown are just two examples of what can happen when men refuse to grow up.

This Father’s Day it would be nice if every dad recognized his role as leader, provider, confidant and occasional buddy to his children.


What a gift that would be for all of us!

Dear Antwaun: What I Would Say If I Were Fantasia

In the new issue of Sister 2 Sister Magazine, singer Fantasia candidly discusses what went wrong in her relationship with Antwaun Cook.  Their very public relationship has been played out in the media from day one—how she fell in love with a married guy, how he left his wife for her, her pregnancy, an alleged suicide attempt by her, the break up, his admission of cheating on her, and now her explaining why it won’t happen again.  It’s almost like she feels she let her fans down and she’s making it up to us by promising that she’s learned her lesson.

She says she’s learned from her mistakes and has discovered that importance learning to love herself before loving others.

But what about Antwaun?  What if anything has he learned?

Here’s a young man from Charlotte, North Carolina who after beginning a relationship with Fantasia gained instant celebrity status.  The former T-Mobile salesman reportedly left his wife and child to pursue a life with someone who offered him an immediate upgrade….and no long-term contract.
Was he wrong?  Absolutely.  I don’t know anything about his home life, how he grew up or what role models he had or didn’t have.  But I also know that you don’t have to be a 20-something dude from the south to get caught up in a highly publicized extra-marital scandal.

Antwaun is in good company, From high-ranking politicians, to pastors and priests, to school principals and TV stars, Antwaun and others have been given a template of how to break moral codes, ignore marriage vows and live double lives.

The boys will be boys wink and nod attitude only works when you look at the small picture.  The big picture includes lots of casualties…in the Cook/Barrino case: his ex-wife, their child, Fantasia and their child, and even her older daughter.  Throw Antwaun in there too.  He’s a celebrity now but without the income to provide for his current two families.   If you Google “Fantasia’s Baby Daddy, his name pops up more than 14,000 times.  You can read about who he’s currently dating and his new job as the owner of a bail bonds company.

A lot of love and support comes Fantasia’s way as it does to any woman whose heart has been broken, especially by a married man.  I do hope that she learns to love and value herself and to discern who she can and cannot trust.

But the Antwauns of the world need to hear that same message.  Some of their behavior is also a result of self-esteem issues and them not really understanding their self-worth.    As mothers of sons, it’s never too soon to let them know our high expectations are of them.  Before they begin dating we should put as much scrutiny on their prospective girlfriends as they most likely will place on our boys.  Let’s not spend our entire investment on girls and leave it our boys to figure things out.


In case Antwaun has never heard it, it isn’t too late for him to become the man, the father and husband he’s destined to be.  And it isn’t too early to let our boys know they are expected to do the same.