The Other Ms. Woods

So, the Tiger Woods saga continues.

I tried really hard to stay out of it. Well, maybe I didn’t try all that hard. But it really is like kicking a two-legged kitten when he’s down.

But now Tiger Woods is rumored to have offered his wife millions of dollars to stay in their marriage. If he was so interested in staying married, then maybe he should have kept his putter at home.

And needless to say, Mrs. Woods (Not me; I'm Ms. Woods!) was not happy.

I don't know which came first: A wife actually bopping her husband in the head with a frying pan or the depiction of a man getting bopped by his wife in a comedy sketch. Whether life was imitating art or vice versa, most of us chuckle at the idea of a disgruntled wife handling her business with a skillet.

So the idea of Tiger's pissed-off wife getting in a few good ones with a golf club will probably provide years of material for comedians, and radio and TV hosts. I admit, it tickled me too. But God always finds a way to straighten me out.

Earlier this week, at the same time I was enjoying the idea of Mrs. Tiger Woods chasing her man with a nine iron, my six-year-old was in a match with the edge of a shelf in his closet, and the shelf won. The gash in his head required staples, and as I watched him endure that pain, I thought of Tiger being hit in the face with a metal golf club. And it wasn't that funny. Then I wondered how I would feel if 10 or 20 years down the road, a woman - any woman - took out her anger on my son with a golf club, a baseball bat or even a frying pan, whether he deserved it or not. And that REALLY wasn't funny.

Virtually all sociological data shows women initiate domestic violence as often as men, that women use weapons more than men, and that 38 percent of injured victims are men.

So why don’t we hear more about this? Shouldn’t the media give as much attention to men who suffer abuse at the hands of their mate as they do women?

I was blessed to grow up in a home where my parents were (and are to this day) openly affectionate and always showed mutual respect for each other. Resorting to violence has never been a viable option for me, and I doubt that it will be one for my sons, who have learned from their father and me that hitting girls and women is not acceptable.

But who knows what the girls and women they choose in the future will have learned from their environments? Going upside my sons' heads may come as naturally to them as breathing. I don't have daughters, but I hope those of you who do will teach them that getting hit by men is unacceptable, but hitting men is unacceptable as well.

If Tiger's wife really beat him with a golf club we should be as outraged as we were when we heard about Chris Brown and so should the news media.

I've been mad enough at men at various times in my life to strike a man, but I don’t for a lot of reasons. Aside from it being wrong, I’m smart enough to know that usually when you hit a person, they’re inclined to hit you back out of retaliation or reflex. No plans to go down that road.

Sometimes the lessons you learn when you’re in kindergarten hold up. I was taught to just walk away until the waters are calmer, and I suggest you follow that rule and teach it to your children. Better to have that conversation with them now. And trust me, if they’ve seen you hit your man or get hit by him, cuss him out or get cussed out by him or just say hurtful things in the heat of anger, you’re teaching them way more than you know. Plus, you're creating potential problems for your grown daughters - and my sons if they run into them.

Everyone, of course, doesn’t agree with my “just walk away” policy. If you don’t, is it because of what you were taught? Or do you just believe the only retaliation for some transgressions is a behind-whipping?

I really want to know what you think, so hit me back. And, uh, that’s just a figure of speech!

Texting Malfunction ... or is it?

The only time you hear about a texting story gone horribly wrong - it's usually in the news, either associated with big names like former Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick and Chris Brown and Rihanna or it’s super sensational like the sad story of the girl who killed herself after naked pictures of her were sent out to schoolmates.

But there's a whole lot of texting, emailing and instant messaging that's wrecking relationships, jobs and friendships. And that will never make it to the headlines. I'm not talking about what I've heard. I'm talking about what I know. In fairness, I spend more time than the average person on line and on my cell. To the frustration of almost every friend I have over 40. I text way more than I talk. So it stands to reason that I would have more than my share of cyberspace snafus. The one way to ensure that you won't get into trouble online is to take yourself out of the game.

I’ve actually heard people say they will never get jammed up because they don’t text, they don’t have a MySpace account and they don’t use the internet to do anything except check their e-mail. If this is the way you think you may be consider yourself safe, but being safe has never been the recipe for success. If you're doing serious business and serious life in 2009, you have got to aggressively and creatively take advantage of what's out there. Closing our minds to technology is closing our minds to all kinds of financial and social opportunities and who can afford that? I sure can't.

I pride myself at being adventurous in most areas of my life. I've made bold career moves life moves and love moves and my boldness has served me well. So, I wouldn’t dream of tip toeing through the high tech territory that is constantly changing.

As a black woman in an uncertain economy in a shaky industry, I need to be on top of every advantage available to me. As daunting as technology is to some - for black people who aren’t afraid it is a way for us to have finally been at the front of a revolution and in some ways compete on a level playing field for the first time in our history.

There was a time when we weren’t allowed to learn to read, and even decades after the end of slavery, the education that most black people received was not equal to their white counterparts. Almost everything we’ve been part of in this country we’ve had to struggle to be on par with mainstream America simply because we never started out with the same advantages. Even with the evolution of cyberspace, some groups of people seem to be ahead of the game. The more money you have the more likely it is that you would have had a computer in your home. But many African Americans (with video game systems and plasma Tvs I might add) have not made computers a priority and only have use of the internet on their jobs. But a whole lot of us jumped on the Super Information Highway like we belonged there back in the 90s and have never looked back. The beauty of that is we have the chance to drive side by side or blow past mainstream America because for once we have access to everything they have.

But of course it can only work for us if we know how to use it. And when I say work for us - I really mean make us some money. And for that, we need to take our knowledge of the internet it and bring it in to the social networking forumn.

So for some practical learning:

A social network is a way of connecting people and/or organizations and businesses together for mutual benefits. This network is comprised of ties and nodes, where the node is the individual and the tie is the link between them. Yes - it's like the business card on steroids.

Now, here are 5 steps to making social networking work for you.

Step 1: Use it to find customers directly. You can use the idea of “birds of a feather flock together” to arrange the best social networking. If you are selling a new kind of headset, you will want to find social networks of music lovers.

Step 2: Use word of mouth. If you are in a social networking group, you can also use it to advertise indirectly. Try getting people in social networks that are related indirectly to yours to spread the word. This can be some of the best social networking because they will be talking to people who trust them.

Step 3: Form relationships. The best social networking is long term, whether it’s for business or pleasure. This way people learn who they can trust online, and you should strive to be one of those--and only time can develop trust.

Step 4: Finding new ideas. You can use social networking to find new ideas for your business. For instance, if someone in your network needs something you can provide but don’t as of yet, you could consider it as an additional money-maker in the future.

Step 5: Be reliable and consistent. Your continued business is based on continued participation and trust. In other words, once you have established yourself through the best social networking practices, be there.


One important note: these steps can work for a physical business or for the business of YOU. After all - what better product to market than yourself.

So, if you’re a black woman like me competing for a spot on this universe where you can stretch out far enough to become what God intended for you to be, please don’t limit yourself by being fearful of something that can enhance your life. Yes, that funny, witty sarcastic remark about your supervisor intended just for your co-worker but got sent throughout the company because you accidentally hit reply to all, could get you fired. But so will allowing the company intern fresh out of college to make you look bad because she knows how to tweet, navigate facebook or utter something brilliant on utterli.com and you’ve never heard of it.

Hell - my dad just sent me a Facebook friendship request! Let's get with it people.

You can keep your negative internet and texting incidents down to a minimum simply by understanding has much as you can about what you’re using and paying close attention. And really, this is just a common sense rule that fits most situations. The larger issue is in today’s world you can’t be afraid to tackle and become an expert at the technology that’s out there. Take a class, hire a tutor, do whatever it takes to make feel comfortable about expanding your mind and embracing the revolution that most of us are already fighting for. Woman up and you’ll discover a new freedom and equality and the ability to do more than survive in this business world but to compete and win.

"Nikki Woods Writes" Receives A Premio Dardos Award

Thank you to Media by Sistrunk for awarding me the Premio Dardos Award!

I write because I love to write. I write because I need to write. Knowing that it touches someone besides myself is a bonus. I'm humbled. Thank you.

What’s the Premio Dardos Award?

Premio Dardos means “prize darts” in Spanish. It is given for recognition of cultural, ethical, literary, and personal values transmitted in the form of creative and original writing.

Maybe I Am My Hair!

India.Arie - I Am Not My Hair feat. Akon

My grandma always said, "If you want to know a black woman, you touch her hair." She said that is where we carry everything—all our hopes, our dreams, our pain.

When India Arie's hit song "I Am Not My Hair" first came on the radio - I felt an immediate disconnect. Obviously she hadn't talked to Mama Mae! Didn't Miss Arie know that our hair defined who we are as a black woman!

Or so I had been raised to believe.

But the more I listened to it the more I began to understand what India was trying to say now when the song comes on the radio, like so many sisters I feel a sense of pride and empowerment. How freeing it is to release all that ties us into something as shallow as hair?

We have let it own us, obsess us, name us and claim us. And finally India Arie has made a declaration of liberation that we can shout, believe and bob our nappy, natural, permed, press and curled, locked, or shaved heads to.

I Am Not My Hair!

Yeah, right.

I don't mean to be anti-revolutionary. In some respects we have come a long way when it comes to our hair. Most of us realize how ignorant it sounds to categorize as good or bad. Many of us have discovered that decades of applying chemicals to it can't be a good thing. And for the most part, I think little black girls today have a healthier perception about hair and have lots more natural and healthy acceptable choices than we did when we were kids.

That being said, a lot of hang ups about hair remain in our heads put their by a number of things. Every black woman has had a defining hair experience. We've lost our hair, had horrible hair cuts, or were somehow real or imagined unairly judged by our hair.

And let's face it our days can be completely ruined if our hair ain't right.

Before Michelle Obama won the hearts of almost every sister in America, she HAD to get her hair together. It just wasn't gonna happen until those edges were straight. Condolezza Rice for many years was the most powerful female politcal figure in the country and we coulndn't get past having conversations about that hair.

I'm not going to lie, but sometimes I am my hair. Because when it looks good I feel great and when it doesn't I usually don't. Right or wrong it's important to me. And that's not really a bad thing is it? It doesn't have to be long, cause I will cut my hair in a heartbeat. It's never permed - cause a curly wild style often fits my mood. And sometimes a ponytail is simply all that's going to happen that day. But keeping it clean, healthy and looking nice is a priority.

People who help homleless women have discovered that allowing them to get their hair done is key to boosting their self esteem and their spirit. If you have a little girl, watch how her personality changes when her hair is done.

According to the story that comedian Chris Rock tells at the beginning of "Good Hair," the documentary he produced, co-wrote and narrates that premiered here this week, his young daughter Lola came inside from playing one day and asked him, "Daddy, why don't I have good hair?" That question launched Rock and director Jeff Stilson on a nearly global inquiry into the meaning and history -- not to mention the prodigious financial significance -- of hair in the African-American community.

Before we began to understand and take pride in our natural beauty, girls were teased and taunted if their hair was short, or broken off, or nappy - so much so that it literally destroyed their self worth. We have been compared to a European standard of beauty for so long, that we sometimes let our hair take on a life of its own. And sometimes we let it control our lives.

Even my niece once asked why she couldn't have inherited my type of hair instead of her mother's. It caused my pause because I remember many a time wishing I had my sister's hair - thick and determined to hold a curl while my lightweight hair would give any curling iron a run for its money.

Obviously we haven't come full circle but we're better than we once were. I don't have daughters so the only hair issue with my boys is when I can't find their brush. It leaves a lot of time to concentrate on my own hair and doing what I can to make sure it represents me the way the way I want it to. Because there have been times when a lot was going on that was out of my control and a good hair day gave me the boost I needed.

Unlike the sister in the news whose weave stopped a bullet from penetrating her scalp, I can't say my hair has ever saved my life. But it has made my day a time or two.

Sorry, India.

Work It Out!

Anyone who is a mom with two kids like I am is probably an expert at division. Everything from orange juice to gummy bears to the time spent on a good night hug has to be equal. When it isn't one of my lil soldiers will call me on it and then I've got to make it right. And so as mom I'm proficient at cutting almost anything right down the middle if necessary. As my boys get older the challenge of constant equity becomes harder to achieve. Already, just based on their personalities, their academic abilities and what it takes to bring out the best of them, I can see that at any given time one may need me more than the other one. I come from a family of two girls and my mother used to always say - I love you both just as much but I love you differently because you're two different people.

I can't imagine the difficulties of having boys and girls in the same household. But people I know with "gender mixed homes" have to deal with this early on. are the chores, the time and the love equally divided or is mom putting more responsibility on the daughters and more hugs on the sons. And is dad going easy on the girls and showing tough love to his sons? However it goes in your house you need to ask yourself how it will translate to the work place someday.

Let's start by asking ourselves how our own family dynamics growing up has had an impact on us as employees. The topic comes to mind because in many workplace settings including mine - the women are carrying a much heavier load than the men are. We work harder, longer and are willing to do almost anything asked of us.

Not saying it's wrong just saying that's the way it usually breaks down and trying to figure out why. What are we trying to prove? Whose acceptance are we trying to gain? Who benefits and who gets hurt? A lot I think has to do with our work ethic and that starts at home. If you're parents were hard workers and expected the most from you, whether you're male or female then more than likely you inherited some of those qualities. I know I often thank my daddy for instilling in me such a strong work ethic. He treated work like he was going to the party - don't meet them there, BEAT them there.

But what if you saw your mom and dad both work hard outside the home but also saw your mom come and work hard and take on the food preparation, laundry homework, etc? What if you never heard your mom say no? As a woman would you grow up to believe you could do it all. As a man would you grow up thinking there's nothing you couldn't expect a woman to achieve?

Let me pause and take off my superwoman cape!

I am blessed to be working in a profession that I truly love. I mean a career that I have an absolute love affair with. The upside of that is I can spend hours at the office, in the studio, at home, by the pool, in bed - almost anywhere working or thinking about work and how I can get better and make the things I am responsible for better too.

That upside can also turn quicly into a downside because for me there's no quitting time, no off button, no real clear end of the day. And even if I did want to respect the 8 hour work day - how am I supposed to tell my boss I'm "closed" for the day??? I can hear him now ... "I wish a producer would .... "

But NO downtime???? That can't be good or fair for my family and relationships. And I know that my most of my male counterparts clearly divide what's work time and what isn't...and if they're putting in extra hours they're logging them and being compensated with money, time off or something.

But me????? And by me - I mean women across the globe. Yep, I've become the momentary poster girl for working women worldwide.

So why do it? What's in it for me?

The answer to those questions come easy for me. Satisfaction, gratification, a boost to my self esteem for starters and a lot that has nothing to do with money although, like anyone I would welcome more of it.

But I'd also welcome my bosses saying, "Damn Nikki, you work your behind off and we appreciate it. It really has made a difference." LOL Wishful thinking, huh?

Well I may never hear it but I already know it's true. And if I never hear the words - even after I print this blog out for my boss and show it to him - I will keep working hard at what I love.

And also realize that the hard work I put in on the job doesn't stop there. I'm a hardworking mother, friend, daughter and lover. I don't half-step at anything I do. So while my family and friends may suffer a little because my mind is on work so much they also benefit because I give everything my all.

And while I'm still waiting for the props I deserve at work and in some other areas, (you know what I'm talking about ladies!)my boys thank me every day and that's enough for me.

What Color Is Your Love?

What color is your love: red hot, moody blue, envy green? Or a color that has no name yet? The color of your love, like the leaves on a tree depends on the season.

One thing for sure is that there's no wrong color as long as it looks good on you.

This comes up because Valentines weekend was rough for a lot of us especially if we were comparing our love to our friends, church members, co-workers etc.

I have many girlfriends who had flowers delivered to their office just to give the appearance of a romantic and thoughtful boyfriend or husband waiting in the wing to fulfill all of their Valentine expectations.

Nothing wrong with that, right?

Having expectations in our culture is expected. We are brought up that way. Having great expectations sounds great however when the expectation is unfulfilled, we bitch, we moan, we become disappointed. And that becomes a problem.

Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems.

For example, if I expect you to love me a certain way and your love doesn't show up that way for me, I will most likely be disappointed.

And this is on a Tuesday!

So imagine how easy it is to get caught up on the one day that we as a universe celebrates love.

For weeks leading to Valentine’s Day we are immersed in all things love. We let advertisers, acquaintances and strangers define what our love is supposed to look like. So even though you or I am content with the love we’re getting we find ourselves questioning that love or putting new and sometimes unrealistic pressure on that love, and for what? So that Hallmark, the Flower delivery industry, the candy biz and restaurant franchises can get richer.

We spend time hating on those who had picture perfect Valentine’s weekends instead of finding the goodness in what we've got at home. A good friend once said to me when I was feeling a little envious about her Valentines Day - "shall I tell you about the Valentines day that he didn't come home at all?"

That was a stark reminder that the color of love reflected in our lives today may have not been so vibrant in a different season. But it was also a hopeful reminder for me and maybe for you that the dull color of my love can and will get brighter. It would be great if me and my girls were in the same season at the same time; that our love life coincided so that we could all be red hot at the same time.

But then again maybe my friend is up when I am down so that she can help me through this time. If we were feeling our lows at the same time we wouldn't be much good to each other. Maybe God put us together so she could have compassion for me and be a living witness that things can and will get better. Lastly maybe the message here is acceptance. To accept the love we're getting, giving and making - whether it looks like someone else's or not.

If we could accept the notion that everyone is doing the best they can, regardless of whether their choices are our choices, our attitude about our relationship would improve and perhaps the relationship we have would become the relationship we enjoy being in.

If my love felt good prior to Valentines Day, why should it hurt the day of? Is it because it doesn't look like someone else's. That isn't fair to him or me.

What does your love look like? What does it feel like? If it looks good on you then maybe it's better than you thought. If it doesn't feel good right now remember that your season will change and when it does remember to remind your sisters who will going through it at that time.

And during a down season, use that extra time to take inventory of what your relationship needs are. When you know what you need, you can express those needs to your partner and be okay with allowing them to love you the way they can love you, you will see a shift in your relationship that goes far beyond what you ever could have imagined!

What color is your love: red hot, moody blue, envy green? Or a color that has no name yet?

Or maybe your love color just needs a little boost … mix it with little more hope, a lot less expectation and work it out!

A Love Of Your Own

Is it Valentine’s Day already? It seems like we were just celebrating the birth of 2009 and then the birth of a new and improved nation with the Inauguration of President Barack Obama.

But here we are on February 14th and if you’re a mom or dad with young children (like me) you probably spent some time this week wading through the aisles of Target or Walmart picking out just the right Valentine’s Day cards and candy that will be handed out in school. Now, the rule is to bring a card for every student. Most teachers even send home a list of every child’s name in the class to ensure that no one is left out. Everything is fair and balanced lest some little boy or girl end up on a psychiatrist’s couch with tales of low self esteem and lack of self love.

If only real grown up love was so fair and balanced. But in a grown up love relationship, you know that you can give a lot and get nothing in return. You can give nothing and be overwhelmed by the attention and generosity of someone who won’t go away. Real grown up love comes in different shapes, colors, flavors and levels of intensity. There are no rules for real grown up love. No instructions, No guarantees. And a lot of times it leaves us feeling empty or less than worthy. And real love does not discriminate. It’s not just the regular folks that deal with issues of the heart.

In the past few weeks some high profile, grown up love got almost everyone’s attention.

Erykah Badu gave birth this month to a baby girl named Mars. It is Erykah’s third child and they each have different fathers. If Erykah was a co-worker in the mail department most people would call her ghetto. But I spoke to a woman yesterday who said it might be better for Erykah to have babies with different men that she really loves than to stay in a bad relationship with one man and have several babies. She said that maybe the children will be spared the pain of divorce or the angst of living in a house where mommy and daddy are fighting every day. Maybe Erykah’s love for children surpasses her desire to be involved in a traditional relationship with one man. Or maybe she doesn’t love herself enough to wait for the person she deserves. Who knows but it’s something to think about?

Next up: Through the miracle of medical science mixed with irresponsibility and mental illness, a woman who claimed to have big love for children gave birth to octuplets. What started out as an amazing story quickly turned into a train wreck most of us couldn’t stop watching. Through artificial insemination she’d already had six other children bringing the grand total to 14. It easy to throw out the word crazy when looking at all this woman went through to fill her home with children, but it’s deeper than that. Her mother says was a lonely child so in some twisted way may have thought that house full of children would fulfill her emptiness. And though the majority of us would not go to that extreme, I would dare say that at one time or another all of us have tried to use something to fill an empty space in our lives our are hearts…money, food, drugs, sex,

Then finally, in a matter of days Chris Brown and Rihanna went from being one of Hollywood’s hottest celebrity couples to the poster children for domestic abuse. Whether you believe the rumors or not – parents had a lot of explaining to do. Tweeners who follow them got a crash course in words like herpes and assault and battery. Conversations were had all across the country about safe sex and safer love; explaining that physical, mental or verbal abuse never add up and that abuse cancels out love in every equation.

It’s no secret that love can show up hand in hand with craziness, irresponsibility, unhealthiness, and violence. I guess it is particularly interesting that we think that love should be some great struggle. That if we fight hard enough to keep it, love will never stray.

But when you place all of your love chips on someone else - there are no guarantees. There is no guarantee that at the end of the day, after all of the work you have done, you are either going to get a partner, have a relationship, or save the relationship you are in.

The only guarantee comes when you invest the time and energy into making sure that you are a receptacle ready to give and receive love with out conditions and strings.

You cannot move toward finding and loving yourself, just for the sake of finding and loving someone else. You must do it for the sake of doing it. You must love, honor, and respect you for the sake of it - no strings or conditions attached. There should be no fine print.

It is when you are now ready to be with yourself rather than by yourself that you understand the true, full experience of love. It is then that you are ready to extend that love to someone else. It is then that you can write your own love story, instead of subscribe to someone else’s. How cool is that?

So whether today you are loving on yourself, someone else or have multiple Valentines like myself - again I say, Happy Valentine’s Day!

PS. Multiple Valentines = two little boys named Tyler and Willis. Get your mind out of the gutter! LOL

J-O-Y

And the question is .... how can I get some J-O-Y in my life?

Well ....

Joy is what we are, not what we must get. Joy is the realization that all we want or need in life has been etched into our souls. Periods of success followed by long periods of unhappiness and dissatisfaction are not the natural order of life. We are not put here to suffer and then die. Yet it seems that we are unable to sustain an even flow of pleasure and ease in our daily affairs and relationships. Things never seem to add up when we make the tally of pleasure and pain, ease and difficulty, good times and bad times. Perhaps this is because we are using the wrong measurements.

Joy - not happiness. Joy is an internal mechanism which keeps us on an even plane as we move through life. Joy gives us the ability to move through an unpleasant situation, knowing that once we make it through, it is over. Joy reminds us of what we need to learn to experience longer periods of joy.

Joy helps us see not what we are “going through” but what we are “growing to,” a greater sense of understanding, accomplishment, and enlightenment. Joy reveals to us the calm at the end of the storm, the peace that surpasses the momentary happiness of pleasure. If we keep our mind and heart centered on joy then it becomes a state of mind, not something we seek when things go wrong only to have it slip through our fingers over and over.

Joy is staying in your strength and in your power. It's about staying grounded and at peace in all you do.

But how do you reach this state of Joydom? (yes, I made that up. Lol)

First, we have to be accountable.

Now this may be uncomfortable at first. It could even hurt. We've all had experiences we'd sooner like to forget. We all do things now and then that seem to steer us off course. But the sooner you accept all of your experiences as the fuel that powers your life, the more joy you will experience. Everything in your life -- the happy and sad, the right and wrong, has worked together to shape the character of who you are today.

Next up, be authentic -- let the world see you for who you really are.

When you show up authentic, you free others to do the same. It's contagious. The world needs you to be authentic -- don't be afraid of it. Your authenticity may catch people off guard, but it will help free them to be their real, true selves, too.

Finally, be honest with yourself.

People make all exuses for why they are not doing this and not doing that. But that's all they are - excuses. There's something underneath that you don't want to deal with. But guess what - until you do - you'll never be where you want to be.

Tackle these three things and nothing can hold you back from living in the state you really want to be in. And no – it’s not Florida. Even though with 14 inches of snow on the way - that’s looking pretty good right now.

But even better than warm, blue water and clear, blue skies – is JOY.

YES, WE CAN!

Check out the star-studded music video to the “Yes We Can Song” which includes excerpts from Sen. Barack Obama’s speech following the New Hampshire primary. The video which premiered on Dipdive.com, features appearances from several celebrities including: Will.I.Am, Scarlett Johansson, Common, John Legend, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Tatyana Ali, Adam Rodriguez, Kelly Hu, Nick Cannon and more.

“I’m blown away by how many people wanted to come and be a part of it in a short amount of time. It was all out of love and hope for change and really representing America and looking at the world,” Will.I.Am said.

It’s Time To Make an Impact

Because if not now … when?
And if not you … then who?

And yes, I do mean to be dramatic. Desperate situations call for desperate measures, right?

Well, luckily it doesn’t have to be a desperate situation. The power to change it is ours. All we have to do is make an impact.

Think about it …

Every day you come across people you know and don't know – each one could use your help and each person could help you in some small or large way. But how often do you make an impact on somebody's life - with the intention of making an impact?

Chances are you're like most people - just trying to make it through the day and not really paying attention to the people that cross your path everyday - both strangers and those you know.

Yet everyday you have an opportunity to do something significant - sometimes it can be something small - and make an impact - to help somebody. Stranger, friend or family, it doesn't matter. Just make a positive impact.

Why?

Well first of all – it’s what we as human beings should be doing. But secondly, when you make a positive impact you not only help somebody else, you also help yourself and those around you because you start to create magnetic energy.

When you generate magnetic energy you attract more positive situations to you and into your life.

But there is a catch – it has to be from your heart. You must truly want to help someone in some small or large way. You can't do it because you want to attract positive situations into your life - that will naturally happen. But to begin creating that magnetic energy you have to make an impact because you want to and because you feel it is what you should do.

I know some of you may say: “I’ve been helping people for years but when I need help – no one's there. Why should I keep putting myself out there?” I say again: because it’s what you should do. It’s not about people helping you – it’s about making a positive impact.

If you truly feel that you have been helping people, making an impact and you haven't been attracting positive situations, or positive events, or positive people into our life - then maybe you need to take a closer look at your intentions. Check your motivations and determine if you really did things to help other people out of the goodness of your heart - or did you expect something in return?

Next - take a look at the opportunities that came your way - and examine how you reacted to them. Did you welcome the opportunities that crossed your path or did you dismiss them thinking that they weren’t for you or that it may have been too good to be true?

What about the people that you’ve met? Did you develop friendships? Continue to network with them or did you ignore them assuming that they weren't the kind of people that you would help you?

Often we dismiss events, opportunities and people that we encounter – thinking that we already know the outcome.

The truth is - we don't.

You don't have to make a big impact. Sometimes it’s the little things that make the biggest difference.

Give your time, your understanding, your knowledge.
Give somebody a hand with their shopping bags.
Open a door for somebody who has their hands full.
Listen to your son/daughter the next time that you speak with them.
Take a moment to smile before getting angry.
Share your wisdom.
Be pleasant to a stranger.
Offer some kind words to a colleague or family member.

When you do this you'll begin to change your energy. And at the same time you'll begin to instruct your subconscious mind to attract more of what you give - because you'll only get what you give. At the same time you'll create a positive mindset and that will attract more positive situations into your life. And then you'll be able to create the life you want.

You'll immediately start to feel better about your life and your situation.

After a few weeks of regularly making an impact you will begin to see new opportunities come your way. You will begin to meet new people, and you will encounter new events. All of these can help you improve your life and the lives of those around you. Pay attention to them. Don't assume that you know whether they will or won't work for you.

Everything you come across and every person you meet can help you - but only if you are open minded and willing to explore the opportunity. If you're not then you can never truly improve the quality of your life.

Once you've started creating magnetic energy - you can instruct your mind and subconscious mind to help you make the right choices, attract the right people and the right situations so that you create the life you want.

But you have to be consistent - so make a commitment to make an impact everyday in 2008.

Try it for the rest of the year and see how your life changes or improves.

You can make an impact.
You can make a difference.
You can attract positive situations.
You can create the life that you want.

Shouldn't Love Be?

Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. I Cor.13:8

Personally, I love the 'love chapter' because it talks about something I love: love. It's not just any kind of love that is described here, not just the feeling of love, but this text talks about what love is and isn't. Love as a noun. Love's character. Who love is and exactly what it looks like. We may find in our scripture text for the day the most telling reason and most deeply rooted necessity we have for love in our lives.

We live in a day of self-gratification, not only outside of the church, but more disappointingly, inside the church. Saints of GOD in this dispensation want to live saved and do the things of GOD when it's comfortable and convenient. Because of fear, something not given to us by GOD(II Tim.1:7), greed and selfishness have reared their ugly heads within the Body of CHRIST, leaving those outside to not be able to see and experience the power that CHRISTians are supposed to yield on a daily basis because the CHRISTians have prioritized other things and thus are not walking in that power. This is not a statement of condemnation, but a revelation of sobriety that we need to return to. I heard someone define love, in contrast to lust, as the desire to please others at the expense of self. Hmm...shouldn't love be? Hold on if you will...

The Apostle Paul begins the eighth verse of this text, his final in defining love's attributes, by saying that charity never fails. Why is love referred to as charity in this passage of the Bible specifically and not another? GOD wanted us to know what HIS perfect love consists of. Charity is something that is given for the benefit of someone else. It's not sat upon. It's not kept quiet. It's not withheld. It's given away. Remember the Commissioned song, "Love Isn't Love", until it's what? Given away...that's charity: love that's given away. Now, if this type of love never fails, I mean for no reason does it ever fall short of completing it's task, a statement of absolution here, then shouldn't love be enough? Why isn't love our primary motive? Our absolute driving force? Doesn't it make sense? If love as our purpose, our motive, our root, our foundation (and not just any love, but love that's given away) never fails, ever, then why don't we do everything in love? Why aren't we operating more in love? Why aren't we ministering for love's sake(Mark 6:34)? Why aren't we giving and sowing for love's sake(II Cor.9:7)? Why aren't we seeking another man's wealth for love's sake(I Cor.10:24)? Why aren't we interceding for love's sake(Isa.59:16)? I mean, think about it, if I'm doing what I do out of love, then I won't stop or start when I feel like it or ultimately leave things undone or incomplete. Why not? Because love never fails; it doesn't fall down on the job or give up at the first sign of adversity or struggle, and it never operates solely based on how it feels or whether or not it's receiving in return. My gifting would be more effective in blessing others and being of use to the LORD and fulfilling the needs of the people when I'm not concerned about love offerings and honorariums or making a name for myself. Why? Love never fails.

If every purpose, goal, ambition, we set our heart's desire on was done out of love, how much more successful would we be? Now keep in mind, that when we speak of love and when we speak of success, we're talking about the love of GOD and success measured by the standard of GOD and not the world. I can;t and won't love the unconditional way GOD would have me to outside of the will of GOD; outside of relationship with HIM. Any good that I do would lack consistency and not be pure. But the love of GOD given away is the will of GOD and within that, how definite would be the manifested plans of GOD for my life(Jer.29:11), as my resume would read before GOD "giver of love to those who are in need."

GOD's plan for my life will be there, but it's up to me as to when or whether or not it's ever realized.

Charity never fails. When love is not our motive, the things we think we have and the gifts we like to place on display will wither away. Why? Love is an absolute spiritual entity and spiritual things are eternal. Everything that is not spiritual is temporal and lasts for only a short time(II Cor.4:18).

We know love is not the primary function or reason behind things that go on in and around our lives today, but shouldn't it be? We can't choose the motives of others, but we can choose for ourselves. Give love away today, and watch your life shift into another level of glory as you become more like GOD by modeling HIS flawless character.

With a fresh voice and sound, King David tha Vessel (or KD) blends skill, talent, the ability to minister to various groups and ages, and charisma with the two elements most essential for breakthrough ministry: Gods word and His anointing. The result is cutting edge music that bridges gaps, stirs, motivates, convicts and compels all while encouraging individuals to walk in Gods will for their lives.

Click here to learn more about King David.

HoW cAn I BE so STUPID?!?!?!?

I recently asked myself this question. I hadn’t done so in a long time. I know that usually individuals can be much harder on themselves that any other person could ever hope to be.

But all of that momentarily slipped my mind. I trusted someone who purported to be a man of God and allowed him to opportunity to sponsor one of my charity events. I thought of him as a kind person who wanted to do something good in the community and let down my usual guards. I believed every excuse he gave about why he hadn’t sent the money for the sponsorship even after my organization had committed itself to other companies that were demanding payment. To make a long story short, he is nothing of what he said that he was. To be even more to the point – he is a con artist.

At first, I believed it was an isolated incident. That maybe the economy had been hard on him and his business and he was experiencing a monetary cash flow. Then out of the blue – I begin receiving a barrage of emails about other people he had conned.

That’s when I asked myself the dreaded question, “How could I have been so stupid?”

It was almost in the same instant that I had a moment of clarity. Taking responsibility for making a mistake is one thing – berating yourself for it, is something entirely different.

Think about it.

Do we yell at children when they fall down and bump their heads or bust their lips? No. Do we punch guest who break glasses or spill drinks? No. Do we lash out at plants that die or flowers that don’t bloom? No. Somehow we find compassion in our hearts to forgive and excuse the mishaps and errors of others. Yet we have little if any compassion for ourselves. For some reason, we tend to forge we are growing and learning, and that we will fall down and sometimes make a mess.

You may not always know what to do. It’s okay! You will not always be able to find the right words at the moment at the moment you need them. It’s okay. You may swear you won’t, then do it anyway. It really is okay! It’s okay if you do, or say, or forget to do or say the “right” thing at the “right” time. The challenge is to learn not to beat yourself up about it. Even better – pretend you’re five again, give yourself a big hug and whisper, “It’s okay!”

Because guess what .... it really is.

THE POWER WITHIN

Would you like to improve your life instantly?

Would you like to change your life, make millions of dollars, meet the right person or start experiencing happiness right away?

Now imagine that you have the ability to turn things around right away by working with special powers.

But What would happen if you actually had those powers and didn't know how to use them?

Think about it.

You do have special powers - the only reason why you're not living the life you want is because you don't know how to use those special powers.

I call it the Power Within - and if you know how to apply the awesome power that you have within - you will be able to dramatically change or improve your life faster than you thought possible.

And now that you know you are a Super Hero with magical inner power. Let's get started.

To access your awesome Power Within, you first have to learn how to direct your subconscious mind to attract the people, situations and circumstances that will help you create the changes or improvements you want.

Then you have to begin changing how you see things and how you see yourself.

What do I mean by that?

Well, if you want to be successful then you have to see yourself as someone who is capable of being successful.

If you want to be in a healthy, loving and caring relationship - then you have to see yourself as someone who is capable of being in a loving, caring relationship.

It also means that you can no longer accept any limiting or negative thoughts and beliefs that prevent you from accomplishing your goals.

For example: If you want to be successful you can no longer say, think or believe that "it's too difficult to be successful, I don't know what to do. I never get any great opportunities. My parents never encouraged me. My friends don't support me. Everybody around me is too negative. I don't get any positive feedback."

These are all negative statements, thoughts and beliefs that prevent you from achieving your goals. Now it's time to eliminate them and change them into statements that do help you achieve your goals.

If you keep the negative statements you have your Power Within working against you.

Now that you know your a Super Hero is't time to start using your Power Within for good not evil!

'Cause when it comes right down to it - only you can determine your own success. It doesn't matter if people around you are negative. You don't need encouragement and support from friends or family. You only need to believe and see yourself as someone who is capable of being successful.

Once you do that - once you raise the bar a little higher - once you see yourself as fully capable of achieving your goals you can then begin to direct your subconscious mind so that it begins attracting opportunities for you to be successful.

So don't believe the excuses or reasons that your mind gives you.

Take a look at where you are today and decide what kind of life you want to live. Start seeing yourself as successful in every aspect of your life. Once you see yourself as successful you will be able to direct your mind and subconscious mind and start using your power within to help you achieve your goals.

Once you've decided to raise the bar and you've decided you're no longer going to put up with the excuses that have limited your success - your next step is to develop a higher level of self-awareness.

Let's face it most people are not aware of the incredible Power Within that they posses. Most people aren't aware of why they do the things they do - they just do them.

Most people don't know why things happen the way they do - they simply accept that they happened and that's the end of it. They miss out on the opportunity to work with their Power Within.

I'm not suggesting that you analyze every little detail in your life - I just want you to become more self-aware so that you realize what you want, where you are heading and how you plan to get there. It's like giving your Power Within a set of instructions to follow.

This is something that few people do - and those who do it become tremendously successful like Russell Simmons, Oprah Winfrey and Bob Johnson just to name a few. All three had a HUGE dream that was only realized by harnessing their Power Within.

I suggest you take a look at someone you consider successful - see if they followed the above formula on some level and you'll find that a lot of them did - often without knowing that they did.

At the end of the day - you have to live with your life and you have to live with the excuses - not me. But if you want to get results - if you want to properly work with your Power Within then you have to change the way you do things.

This means no more complaining or whining. Man up! Because you only attract what you focus on. If you constantly complain you are focusing on what is wrong and guess what? You'll only attract more what you complain about. You'll also attract people who complain and together you'll all get exactly what you complain about. This creates the negative cycle and you actually end up using your Power Within to get more of what you don't want. So stop complaining and stop focusing on all that is wrong in your life.

When you do this you get your mind moving in a new direction - you start to utilize the power of your mind because now you're giving it something new to do - issuing a new challenge one that it is more than capable of meeting.

You also start utilizing the power of your subconscious mind in a positive way. Instead of attracting more of what you don't want - you begin concentrating the energy and power of your subconscious to create the situations that will help you achieve your goals. This is how the power within begins to work for you and gets you results.

The best part is that you'll begin attracting the people that will help you achieve those goals and the people that believe in you - and more importantly you'll repel those people who used to enjoy complaining and whining about the same things over and over. Why? Because now you're taking action and you intend to achieve your goals - so you will naturally attract the people and situations that will help you, while those that can no longer help you will have less of an impact on your life and ambitions.

Now there is a lot more that can be done - but I've outlined the basic starting points for you to begin working with your Power Within. Now it's up to you start doing what I've outlined. You may say: "Oh yeah, I know this stuff - I've heard it before." But do you practice it - I mean really practice it every day!

If you don't practice the above exercises everyday so that you instill a discipline that leads to greater success - nothing will change. It's really that simple. The life you live tomorrow is based on the thoughts, actions and beliefs you hold today. Change those - and you change your life.

So Super Hero (yeah - I'm talking to you) grab your cape! It's your turn to launch your Power Within!

And We Call Him Martin ......

Martin Luther King Jr.'s life and legacy is being celebrated today - January 15th, on what would have been his 80th birthday.

It took nearly two decades to make King's birthday the legal holiday that Americans celebrate on Monday (January 21st). Legislation to declare King's birthday a national holiday was introduced in Congress every year after his assassination on April 4, 1968, but throughout the '70s the bills were rejected time and time again. President Ronald Reagan finally signed legislation creating the holiday in November 1983, after a persistent15-year lobbying effort. It was the first new federal holiday created since Memorial Day was established in 1948.

The holiday's first official year was 1986, but many states -- most notably Arizona and New Hampshire -- were slow to adopt the holiday. In 1999, New Hampshire became the last state to honor Dr. King with a holiday when the state's Governor Jeanne Shaheen signed a bill setting aside the third Monday in January as Martin Luther King Jr. Civil Rights Day.

King is the only American besides George Washington to have a national holiday designated for his birthday. The birth dates of Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, Robert E. Lee, and others have been celebrated in some states but not nationwide.

Internationally, King is one of the few social leaders of any country to be honored with a holiday (Mahatma Gandhi's birthday is observed in India). Countries usually only honor military or religious figures. Given such obstacles, the holiday is a powerful tribute to King's philosophy and stature.

We can never forget those who have come before to pave the way. Especially a man named Martin who had a dream. Click here to see King's speech, "I Have A Dream."

ON NONVIOLENCE (From Birmingham jail, 1963): "In your statement, you asserted that our actions, even though peaceful, must be condemned because they precipitate violence. Isn't this like condemning Jesus because his unique God-consciousness and never-ceasing devotion to God's will precipitated the evil act of the Crucifixion?"


ON BLACKS IN AMERICA (From Birmingham jail, 1963): "Before the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth, we were here. Before the pen of Jefferson etched across the pages of history the majestic words of the Declaration of Independence, we were here. If the inexpressible cruelties of slavery could not stop us, the opposition we now face will surely fail. We will win our freedom because the sacred heritage of our nation and the eternal will of God are embodied in our echoing demands."


ON NONCOMFORMITY (1963): "This hour in history needs a dedicated circle of transformed nonconformists. Dangerous passions of pride, hatred and selfishness are enthroned in our lives; truth lies prostrate on the rugged hills of nameless Calvaries. The saving of our world from pending doom will come, not through the complacent adjustment of the conforming majority, but through the creative maladjustment of a nonconforming minority."


ON BLACK POWER (1967): "Today's despair is a poor chisel to carve out tomorrow's justice. Black Power is an implicit and often explicit belief in black separatism. Yet behind Black Power's legitimate and necessary concern for group unity and black identity lies the belief that there can be a separate black road to power and fulfillment. Few ideas are more unrealistic. There is no salvation for the Negro through isolation."


ON MARCHING FOR CIVIL RIGHTS (Selma to Montgomery, 1965): "Like an idea whose time has come, not even the marching of mighty armies can halt us. We are moving to the land of freedom. Let us march to the realization of the American dream. Let us march on segregated housing. Let us march on segregated schools. Let us march on poverty. Let us march on ballot boxes, march on ballot boxes until race baiters disappear from the political arena, until the Wallaces of our nation tremble away in silence."


ON PEACE (1964): "Sooner or later all the people of the world will have to discover a way to live together in peace and thereby transform this pending cosmic elegy into a creative psalm of brotherhood. I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality. This is why right temporarily defeated is stronger than evil triumphant."


ON THE DREAM OF FREEDOM (1963): "So even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed . . . that all men are created equal. I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today. And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true."


ON FREEDOM (1963): "So let freedom ring. From the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire, let freedom ring. From the mighty mountains of New York, let freedom ring. From the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania, let freedom ring. But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia. Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. And when this happens, when we let it ring, we will speed that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual: Free at last, free at last/Thank God Almighty, we're free at last."


ON HIS OWN FUTURE (April 3, 1968): "We've got some difficult days ahead. But it really doesn't matter with me now. Because I've been to the mountaintop. I won't mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And he's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over, and I've seen the Promised Land. I may not get there with you, but I want you to know tonight that we as a people will get to the Promised Land. So I'm happy tonight. I'm not fearing any man. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord."


There will be a lot of talk today about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and the impact his dream continues to have on African Americans and people of color around the world. I am sure forums will be held and panels assembled, bread will be broken at luncheons around the country and candlelight vigils will be held in his honor. Sometimes we as Black Americans talk too much about our fallen heroes as we celebrate them on some appointed day or holiday. Dr. Martin Luther King deserves to be honored for the great man that he was and all that he accomplished in his relatively short lifetime. But Martin deserves to be remembered on the other 364 days of the year. Because Martin was a simple man with a dream who made all the difference in the world.

What Kind Of Game Are You Playing?

And how does it manifest in your life. Chances are if you play the blame game then your circumstances may not be what you want them to be. But how do we change them if we point the finger at everyone and everything else as the reason for the bad things that happen to us?

Well, the first step to changing your circumstances is to stop blaming somebody or some events for where you are today.

Sure other people and events had an influence - but it's time to accept some responsibility and admit that you may have had a role in how things turned out.

If you look carefully at the events of the past you'll find that a single decision or a series of decisions that you made played a major role in creating your own circumstances.

When you accept some responsibility you begin to give yourself the power to change things.

If you continue to blame somebody or an event - you give them power and you will continue to live life on their terms.

You can live life on somebody else's terms and change your situation. It simply won't happen.

If you still don't feel that you played a role - then take a look at your thoughts. Are they predominantly negative? Are they filled with anger? Resentment? If they are then you will only attract more negative situations to you and this will lead to more negative circumstances.

If your circumstances are negative or if you feel you are not living the life you want then in order to change this you have to accept that on some level you manifested the life that you have.

You may not want to admit to that - but work with this idea for and you'll begin to understand how you can create change.

For example: if you are currently unemployed - what decision or choices did you make that may have played a role in you being unemployed? Did the job you selected that you eventually lost lead to your current situation? Had you made a different choice would you still be unemployed?

If you recently got divorced or broke up with your spouse - what choices or actions did you take that may have played a role in your current situation? Could you have made a better choice?

Chances are we all could have made different choices that would have changed our circumstances. And this is the process of accepting responsibility. Because now you can focus on making better choices, attracting better situations and creating the changes that you want.

How can you make better choices?

Change the way you think. Instruct your subconscious mind to help you make better choices. Attract better situations into your life by changing the way you think and live.

So think about your current situation. Accept some responsibility for what happened - when you accept responsibility you give yourself the power to create the changes that you want. Look back at some of the decisions that you made that may have influenced the way your life turned out. Track your thoughts - are they predominantly negative or positive?

Start making better choices. Get your mind and subconscious mind working for you so that you begin improving your situation.

Change Your Attitude.

Now that you have accepted some responsibility it's time to begin attracting positive situations and people into your life. To do this first start with your attitude. This means instead of looking at what is wrong in your situation and other situations - look for what is positive and find ways to correct what is wrong.

How do you change your attitude?

Change what you regularly think about. Instead of filling your mind with negative thoughts - fill them with positive thoughts.

Instead of looking at why things won't work out - force yourself to find solutions and think of how things can work out.

Open yourself up to all possibilities.

Think of your mind as garden, you can cultivate it, or you can let it run wild. You can fill it with the weeds of negative thinking, thoughts of lack, limitation and worry. If you don't control your mind and cultivate it with positive thoughts regularly - the weeds of negative thinking will take over and destroy your life - just like weeds can
destroy your garden.

It's your mind and how you think, live and see things will have a direct impact on your current situation.

Why?

Every thought you have is picked up by your subconscious mind. Your subconscious mind then considers your regular thoughts as an instruction - telling it to create what you regularly think. So if you are constantly negative and have a negative attitude you will continue to create your own negative circumstances.

This constant negative thought process could lead to you losing your job, breaking up with a spouse, losing your home, making bad investment choices, losing on a business venture, etc.

A negative attitude leads to a negative life and negative circumstances.

So start changing your thoughts and attitude today. Regularly think about the positive situations in your life.

Search for good and positive things everyday. Look for solutions instead of constantly looking at the problem.

And start playing a different game - one that you control not one that controls you.

Get Excited About 2008!

..... 'cause I know I am. I have my red party dress laid out on the bed even as I type. No matter what did or didn't happen in 2007, I am so excited just thinking about the possibilities that 2008 has to offer.

Because you know what? The quickest way to turn a bad situation into a blessing is to get excited! Things may not look so good right now. You may be facing more trials and tribulations than you ever thought possible. Your job may suck and your love life non-existent. You may even doubt your ability to hold up under the pressure or the scrutiny of trying to make things different. You may think you’ve done something to deserve the storm that circles around you.

It's all okay! You can still choose to be excited.

Excitement is the opposite of anxiety. It brings a new energy into any situation. Excitement gives you power and puts you in charge of what you do and how you react to what’s going on in your life.

Just imagine how you will feel when the situation is over. Think about what you will do with the knowledge and experience you are gaining. Think about the stories you can tell, the people you can assist, the fact that you will know what to do if you are ever in this situation again. Isn’t that exciting?

In any situation, you have the right, power and ability to choose your experience. Old habits and negative thought patterns will be the first to show up, but we can choose a new way in which you affect the outcome. Rather than slipping into fear, resentment, or anger; you can get excited! Be excited that this has come to an end. Be excited that you are equipped to handle it! Be excited that life is trusting you to do the right thing! Be excited that you will do your best, no matter what happens. Be excited that your best is more than good enough.

And be excited that in any given moment, you can change your life.

Wishing you the best of everything in 2008!

Rest In Peace - 2007

Pamela Joyce Johnson - my sister-in-law, a friend, mother, sister and daugther - died December 20th from cancer.

Terry Armour - my friend and a damn good entertainment reporter - died yesterday of a heart attack.

Both gone too soon, but what a difference they made while you were here. I can only hope to do the same.

Life is too short to waste even a second on being unhappy. As long as you can take a breath - there is hope and a chance for a new start. If something isn't working in your life, all you have to do is make a different choice. That's one of the wonderful things about life.

Nailah O. Franklin and Brandi Drexler - both died from senseless violence this year.

Because I am you and you are me - I will never forget.

The Legacy of Mae Phillips

This is a repost. My grandmother celebrated her 100th birthday today and I feel so blessed to still have her, I could cry. I wouldn't be who I am today without having her hand firmly planted on me every step of the way. I love you Mama Mae.

Mama Mae

Her name is Mae Phillips but I call her Mama Mae. She's 96 years old and barely weighs 100 pounds but I still am in awe of this woman who is my grandmother.

While in Ocho Rios, Jamaica last week to celebrate my __ birthday and 3rd wedding anniversary I made the trek to Kingston - the capital of Jamaica - to spend the day with Mama Mae because at 96 years of age, well, you just never know ...

Despite the terrible road conditions, the ride was easy and the length of the trip seemed shortened because the driver I had hired was personable depsite his strong political views on the declining state of his country. The weather was in our favor - no rain in sight - but I still entered Kingston with a heavy feeling in my stomach.

Kingston is a world unto itself and hard to describe to anyone who has never been. The high crime rate and increasing levels of poverty are bad enough, but add in the heat (that most days is unbearable enough to be described as smothering) and the congestion (that could make the most social of people feel like a claustrophobic weenie) and you've got less than a tourist attraction. Yes, it is steeped in culture and history and is the location where Bob Marley recorded some of his best stuff, but to ME it's about as close to hell as you can get.

BUT Kingston is where my grandmother lives and for whatever reason the need to see her on this visit was so strong, I would have dueled with the devil himself if he had tried to keep me from going.

I think she felt the same way; she began crying when she heard my voice and hailed my visit as a sign. I didn't understand the gravity of her statement considering this is the same woman who for the past five years has described the Thanksgiving holiday as her last supper but as the day wore on - and got hotter - I knew our time spent together was indeed special.

For four hours she talked about her favorite memories of me. The long summers that she stayed with my family, teaching me to bake plantain tarts, beef patties and coconut cookies. How she kept my mother from knocking me out (too many times to count) when my mouth was at its smartest. How she thought I would put her on a plane back to Kingston when she accidentally let my dog escape from the house and how hurt I'd be when my cousin David would come for the summer because my daddy's attention would inevitably be taken away from me. She spoke in amazing detail about the summer trips we took in the family station wagon, criss-crossing the United States and Canada. She was the reason I got married in Jamaica, her traveling days long since gone and I couldn't imagine taking my vows without her. I cried tears of joy when she pressed a hanky in my hand and told me I looked fat in my wedding dress.

But then she also told me that she was proud of the woman that I had become.

The more she talked, the more I laughed, realizing how many of my best childhood memories are shared with her. I also realized how large of a hand she's had in shaping who I am today and I realized how very much I love her.

And Kingston. Because it is my heritage. It is the place where my grandmother taught me to wash clothes by hand, how to pick ackee then sautee it with saltfish. Kingston is where I learned how to properly suck my teeth and say "me soon come" in a proper Jamaican accent and eat Mangoes right from the tree.

Yes, I am the legacy of Mae Phillps. But I call her Mama Mae and she is my grandmother.

As We Go Into A New Year ...

... maybe you should ask yourself a new question.

The question is, what are you willing to do to get what you say you want? Are you willing to discipline your mind and your mouth? Are you willing to get up early, stay up late and work hard all the hours between? Are you willing to work for free? Are you willing to do it with excellence? Are you willing to do it even when your best friend shakes her head, laughs at you and tells you that you're crazy?

The question is, what are you willing to give up to get what you say that you want? Are you willing to give up bad habits, negative thinking, and negative people? Are you willing to take a risk and put your butt on the line when all the signals indicate that you are totally insane? Are you willing to stand up for yourself? To speak for yourself? Are you willing to walk away from the people who will be very upset when you stand up and speak up? Are you willing to walk away from everything you now know to get to something and someplace you can only hope will be what you want it to be?

The question is, who are you willing to be? Are you willing to be a free and independent thinker? Are you willing to be the one who calls the shots? Are you willing to have fun? Are you willing to live in total peace and joy? Are you willing to have fun and joy in total peace all by yourself, if necessary? As long as you can find one excuse not to answer these questions affirmatively. You will never have what you say you want.

This Makes No Sense ......

But after yesterday's post .... I needed a good laugh. Click here if you do too!

Thanks Thelma for forwarding!